Put A Smile On Your Face!-00-5323

By Author: chuck
Total Articles: 4393
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Proven scientific fact if you smile first thing in the morning you'll be happier thru the day!

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on
his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''
Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''
The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said,
''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''
To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ‘‘nice horse you got their sir,
did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ...
... ''Next year tell Santa to put
the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.''

One of my favorite comedians: RODNEY DANGERFIELD

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious ... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that ... there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Well I hope these brighten someones day or at least makes them smile.

Take care and have a blessed day!

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