To Leave Or Not To Leave?

By Author: Roy Milam
Total Articles: 87
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Most couples trying to decide whether or not to divorce wonder - if they have children - whether or not divorce would be better for the children? I've heard people considering divorce say they wish they had a crystal ball, so that they could see into the future. Actually, experience and research has given us that crystal ball.

Many marriage experts have promoted divorce, assuring couples that children are resilient. But according to a report by The National Council on Families, children from broken homes have two to three times more behavioral and psychological problems than children from intact families. They are three times more likely to drop out of school than children from intact families, and four times more likely to develop drug problems and/or commit a crime or suffer abuse.

Sadly, the injury suffered by children of divorce is neither superficial nor temporary. Rather, these children commonly end up with a multitude of emotional problems including self-esteem, security and trust issues, behavioral difficulties and painful adjustments that last their whole life through. In his ...
... book, \"My Parents Got A Divorce,\" Author Gary Sprague documents the experiences of children who had to endure the heartrending consequences of their parents' divorce. Kelly, age 11 said, It feels like a hurt that won't go away. I felt like my mom was pulling on one arm and my dad was pulling on the other arm. Chris, age 11 said, When my parents got a divorce it hurt bad. I thought I was going to die. I took the blame on myself. That was what made me mad. It was like my family was falling apart.

You may try to convince yourself that your children will be okay, but if you can see the other side of it, you can see the pain and damaging effects that a divorce will have on your children. A mass of scientific evidence now exists pointing to the fact that not growing up in an intact nuclear family is one of the most deleterious events that can befall a child. Sociologist Judith Wallerstein, in her book, \"The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,\" says that it\'s in adulthood that children of divorce suffer the most. Their lack of inner images of a man and a woman in a stable relationship, and their memories of their parents\' failure to sustain the marriage, badly hobbles their search, leading them to heartbreak and even despair, she says.

If you're seriously considering divorce and you have kids, you can see, the odds are pretty poor for them. Their world will be torn apart. The foundations they once thought were strong, will crumble and turn to sand. Their sense of security will falter and their confidence will be shattered.

Most people considering divorce assume that once a marriage is unhappy, it will stay that way. But much has been learned today about what it takes for a marriage to be happy. There are now many relationship classes where couples can learn how to turn a lifeless, unhappy marriage into a more loving one. When you have children, you owe it to them to give it your all. Divorce is not a viable solution to an unhappy marriage. Fixing it is.