Six Simple Steps To Manage Anger

By Author: Alex Forguson
Total Articles: 3
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We can think of several reasons why spouses will get into arguments and have fights, but the most important reason why spouses fight is because your spouse is not meeting what you are expecting from him or her. That is correct; unmet expectations is the main reason why most people get angry at each other. We all have expectations of how we think our spouse should think, talk or behave in our marriage. When those expectations are not met, then we become frustrated and angry.

Our expectations can be of two kinds:

1. Conscious expectations: Those are the expectations that we are aware of. Those are the ones that we know we are expecting from our spouses. However, those conscious expectations are not the most important in impacting our marriages.

The best way to deal with these kind of conscious expectations is to ask ourselves: are these expectations, reasonable, realistic and appropriate?

2. Subconscious expectations: Those expectations are the ones that we have from our spouses and that we are not fully aware of. These are the expectations that are really going to influence ...
... the most our marital life.

The best way to deal with these expectations is to find out which ones are the main Drivers controlling our way of thinking. A free test to find your Drivers is to be found in our web site by going to: www.marriageacademy.us.

Let me explain to you a few basic ideas about the Drivers. Those subconscious needs that I call the Drivers are four and they can create, in a very powerful way, the type of expectations we have from our spouses. The names and nature of these four Drivers and their expectations are:

If you are a:

1. Gregarious: They expect from their spouses bonding, connection and acceptance.

If you are a:

2. Unique: They expect from their spouses recognition and the feeling of being important and significant.

If you are a:

3. Diversifier: They expect from their spouses to be able to enjoy fun, changes and new adventures.

If you are a:

4. Cautious: They expect from their spouses to be able to feel secure and safe.

What to do?

Regardless of the subconscious Drivers creating our expectations from our spouses, there are six simple steps that anyone can take to reduce anger in their marriage. These are:

1. Walk away from volatile situations: If you and your spouse are engaged in an argument that you see is going to end up into to a big fight, just excuse yourself and walk away from a situation before it escalate to the point that you start hurting each other.

2. Drink a glass of cold water or take a cool shower: Cold water has the effect of calming down any body’s anger.

3. Lay down: When we are laying down it is more difficult in that position to continue to be angry. If you add calming, soothing music is even better.

4. Laugh: Laughing is the last thing we want to do when we are angry. However, if you can force yourself (not in front of your spouse, please) to burst in a big explosion of laughter, you will find that your anger becomes immediately released or totally absent.

5. Close your eyes: You should close your eyes very tight for a few minutes and repeated it several times until you feel your anger is subsiding or has totally disappeared.

6. Look at your self on a mirror: When we are really angry and we see our altered and deformed facial expression, we might feel highly motivated to drop immediately the negative feelings we have toward our spouse.

The six above simple steps could be easily disregarded by you because they appear to be too easy and simple. But let me tell you, unfortunately in our culture and time we are been brain-washed into the idea of believing that for something to be good of effective it has to be expensive or complicated.

The above six steps are simple and inexpensive, but the same are very powerful and effective when put into practice. If you are having problems with anger in your marriage, I challenge you to use the above six simple tools and see for yourself the incredible results they will bring to your marriage. You can get more information about these by following the links healthy marriage dallas, London healthy marriage and marriage advice for Canadian women.