How A Divorce Affects Your Children

By Author: David Walker
Total Articles: 4
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Approximately 10% of kids in households today go through some kind of psychological problem justifying a therapist or psychologist. If the child's parents have divorced, the percentage rockets to 30 or forty 40%.

A divorce can have traumatic psychological effects on a kid. Unfortunately, a lot of parents fail to realize this. This is partially due to the fact that they may be experiencing anger and hurt themselves and are simply emotionally unable to empathize with their child's feelings. But al too often it's that the parents don't realize just how deeply the divorce is impacting their kid.

One trend that is helping to ease this problem is the amount of divorce instruction programs shooting up in many states across the country. At present, there are over 1000 programs of this type. In addition, some of the programs are available on line.

Generally these programs center on the following primary issues:

1) Working to eliminate or reduce parental fighting in front of the children - When a kid sees his mother and father constantly fighting, it causes feelings of stress and anxiety in them. But, even ...
... more important, you are teaching them how to act in relationships. Kids are like sponges, they absorb what they see, especially from their parents. By fighting in front of your children you are, in effect, telling them that this is the way to resolve problems. A divorce education program will show you a better way of handling conflicts.

2) Don't use the kids as bargaining chips - Your kids are not pawns to be used in disagreements with your spouse to win arguments or to get your way. It's easy to forget this, especially if you have self esteem issues yourself. Whether the issue is child support, parental custody, visiting privileges, or whatever - don't treat your kids like chess pieces. Unless you wish them to grow up with huge emotional and psychological issues.

3) Don't try to turn the child against a parent - Often, one of the parents will try to prevent the other parent from seeing or being with the kid. Most likely it's a ill-conceived endeavor to "punish" the other parent. On the other hand, it may simply be mean spiritedness. Or it may be one parent afraid to give up control. Unless there is some underlying issue why one parent shouldn't see the child, such as past child abuse, this does no good for the kid at all. To have the best chance of growing up well adjusted, kids need a sound relationship with both of their parents.

4) Remember always that the welfare of the child is paramount - We all know that going through a divorce is not easy. But it's not all about the you, the parents. A divorce impacts everybody in the family - kids and parents both. If you just keep that fact in mind, the transition will be much easier for the kids. In addition, this will often help the parent's relationship also. Keeping the welfare of your kids at the forefront of your mind, makes the whole divorce and after divorce more civil.

If you really care about your children and want to do all you can to protect them after the divorce, divorce education programs can do that and more. Think about joining one today, if you haven't already.
David Walker is webmaster and owner of http://www.onlinedivorcetips.com. To learn more about his advice for men getting divorce and other divorcee related topics, please visit his website.