Before They Were Presidents, They Loved And Lost

By Author: Madeleine Duke
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George Washington lost a love then married a rich wife—but did the marriage have passion?

Thomas Jefferson lost one love because of death—and one because of principles.

Teddy Roosevelt lost a true love through tragic death, then married a woman he'd known as a teenager.

Long before George Washington fathered the United States of America, and before he met Martha, George Washington fell in love with Mary Philipse. She was the daughter of a wealthy land owner, who had a grand estate in Hudson, New York. Described as elegant, charming and well-educated, she had dark hair and eyes, a strong will and a kindly manner.

According to Jared Sparks, in his Life and Writings of George Washington, "The charms of this lady made a deep impression" upon George's heart. In one story, Washington was smitten and quickly proposed. It was all too fast for Mary and she demurred, gently. This story is probably fiction. Another version says that it was Washington's duty that kept him away from his love while his rival, Roger Morris, moved in, proposed and was accepted. When George received a letter from a friend, who ...
... had been spying on Mary and reporting back to George about the romantic goings on, gallantry and gallop carried him off to see her. We get an entertaining account from a 1912 book entitled Philipse Manor Hall.

The descendants of Mary Philipse living in York, England, say that Washington responded to a letter from a friend, stating that she was about to marry another. Washington quickly 'set out for New York, arriving there on a winter's evening. Late as the hour was, he sought and obtained an interview with Polly (Mary,)' but she was already the promised wife of Morris.

Mary Philipse married Captain Roger Morris in 1758. George was present. Years later, during the Revolutionary War, Colonel Morris affirmed his allegiance to King George III, so he and Mary moved to England. Interestingly, Mary Philipse was one of only three women accused of treason during the Revolution.

On January 6, 1759, a year after Mary and Roger Morris' wedding, Washington married Martha Dandridge Cutis, aged 27. He was 26. She was one of the wealthiest women in Virginia. Were George and Martha in love? Of all the letters they wrote to each other, only two survive. In one, George wrote "I retain an unalterable affection for you, which neither time or distance can change." Perhaps there were hints of passion in missing letters.

Thomas Jefferson wrote The Declaration of Independence. He also wrote the following to Maria Cosway in 1786, while he was in Paris, serving as the American Minister to France. "I wish they had formed us like the birds of the air, able to fly where we please... Yet if I had it, I question if I should use it but once. I should wish myself with you, and not wish myself away again."

Long before this letter was written, Thomas Jefferson had married 23-year-old widow Martha Wayles Skelton. The year was 1772. He was 28. Martha Jefferson was an avid reader and accomplished musician. While Thomas played the violin, she accompanied him at the "forte-piano," a wedding gift from Jefferson. By all accounts, their 10-year marriage was a happy one. They had six children. Illness and frequent child birth weakened her and a few months after giving birth to her last child, she died in 1782, at 33. Jefferson was devastated. On her deathbed, he promised her he would never remarry, and he never did.

As a lonely widower, however, Jefferson was tempted by Maria Cosway in Paris. Maria was an Italian-English artist and musician. She was pretty. She was talented. She was married. He was 43 and she was 27. Maria Cosway seems to have reawakened in Jefferson the possibility of romance, even though he surely knew nothing could ever come of it—or maybe because he knew nothing could ever come of it. In his famous 4000 word letter to her, "A Dialogue between the Head and Heart," the often quiet, enigmatic and guarded Jefferson writes that Maria has made him "the most wretched of all earthly beings." He struggled for his integrity—for reason over desire, because she was a married woman. Finally, he sought to retire within himself to find his own happiness. Despite this, his letters to her continued for two more years, expressing affection and longing.

Perhaps it was the physical separation that finally ended it. By 1789, his correspondence to her diminished steadily. He had become George Washington's secretary of state and was back in Washington. When Maria continued to write and complain of his aloofness, he admitted that he had fond memories of a relationship that had been "pure." Clearly, the relationship was over. Jefferson became the third president in 1801, with both relationships far behind him.

Teddy Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill on July 1, 1898. He was a Rough Rider, a cowboy, a big game hunter, and a lover.

Back in 1878, T. R. met Alice Hathaway Lee. He said it was "love at first sight." He also said "As long as I live, I shall never forget how sweetly she looked, and how prettily she greeted me." A few weeks after their meeting, he'd made up his mind that she was going to be his wife. He proposed. Alice made him wait eight months before agreeing to marry him. It is unknown why Alice made him wait so long. Perhaps because he was thin and pale and had bad eyes. She, on the other hand, had piercing gray-blue eyes, and was tall and blond. As her photograph suggests, she was also pretty.

Alice finally accepted his proposal and T. R. wrote that now he could "hold her in my arms and kiss her and caress her and love her as much as I choose." They announced their engagement on Valentine's Day, 1880 and were married in October 27th, T. R.'s 22nd birthday. Alice was 19. T. R. adored his wife. His nickname for her was 'baby' or 'baby in pink.'

Alice had Bright's disease (kidney failure) that had gone undetected. After giving birth to a daughter, complications arose and, tragically, a few days later, she died on February 14, 1884, the 4th anniversary of their engagement. She was 22 years old. Distraught and overcome with grief, T. R. wrote the following.

She was beautiful in face and form, and lovelier still in spirit; as a flower she grew, and as a fair young flower she died. Her life had been always in the sunshine; there had never come to her a single sorrow; and none ever knew her who did not love and revere her for the bright, sunny temper and her saintly unselfishness.

Teddy Roosevelt married Edith Kermit Carow in December 1886, a little over two years after Alice's death. Theodore and Edith had developed a romantic relationship in their early teens, but had grown apart after T. R. met Alice. T. R. rekindled his affection for her and their marriage was a happy one. In 1910, T. R. wrote to his son, Theodore Jr., to congratulate him on his engagement. In that same letter, Teddy reflected on his life with Edith: she was "always tender, gentle and considerate, and always loving."

Mary Philipse, Martha Jefferson, Maria Cosway and Alice Roosevelt were deeply loved by men who would go on to become the most powerful leaders in the world. Undoubtedly, these men were changed by the force and grace of love and loss. In private hours, with all the relentless pressures and challenges of office, we can imagine them drifting back to recall gentler days, cherished moments and tender faces. Perhaps they were comforted.

We'll leave the last word to Shakespeare.

"Come what sorrow can, it cannot countervail the exchange of joy, that one short minute gives me in her sight."
—Romeo & Juliet

Copyright © 2012 Elyse Douglas

Elyse Douglas' novel entitled
The Astrologer's Daughter is about the 25 year-old secret affair between a professional astrologer and a politician, and how their illegitimate daughter seeks revenge on her father during the last weeks of his presidential campaign.
www.elysedouglas.com