The Importance Of Forgiveness In Divorce

By Author: James Walsh
Total Articles: 68
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Forgiveness as a virtue is central to Christianity as well. But how is all this related to divorce? One of the main reasons why divorces happen is the inability to forgive and swallow anger at someone who is allegedly more dear to you than yourself. This is not just another demure moral lecture meant to make you compromise at every step, but a perfectly practical solution to a lot of avoidable trouble that amounts to nothing at the end of the day.

Digging up Old Issues

Some partners are exceptionally good at this game. They are blessed with a long memory and mean to make the most of it. All you have to do is wait till your spouse gets a ticket for wrong parking and then recall the exact date when he or she had done this first. Better still, if you are the one who has got the ticket, you can remember how your spouse had infected the computer by downloading a virus accidentally or had left for office and left the tap running. This is all totally unrelated to parking a car; but you are trying to point out how careless and foolish he or she is compared to you. Thanks to your blessed memory, you have just managed ...
... to hurt your partner's feelings effectively. Digging up old issues is no use, but right then all you want to do is ‘win' the fight. Are you losing out on your marriage through these accumulated points? Think twice.

Favourite Points of Nagging

Some couples hold on to pet peeves that they can pull out like trump cards at important junctures of their domestic battles. Smoking is bad for health. You do not like your wife's chain smoking, but instead of talking about it sensibly to her, you dig it out whenever the two of you have a disagreement. You can't appreciate your husband's tendency to get drunk. The best remedy, according to you, is nagging him about it whenever possible till the slightest mention of it is enough to make him lose his cool. There are no greater losers around than yourself if you will stop to think on it. Waiting till your spouse is heartily sick of you is not the best way to come to this sort of self-realisation.

Harping on Past Mistakes

Sometimes, a serious mistake may be committed on part of a partner. He or she may have even gone astray and had an affair. But if that has been followed by repentance and a patch-up, you should not pick it out at opportune moments. This is the worst thing you can do to your relation, and the sharpest wound you can inflict on a heart that has already known pain. Sometimes, the mistake referred to may be something very insignificant. But the fact that you remember the burnt toast on the morning of the picnic points out how your mind functions. It brings out a meanness of spirit that cannot be forgiven even if the transgression can be forgiven and forgotten.

The ‘I Told You So' Syndrome

This is an unfortunate habit that many people have and apply to every relation they have, laying more emphasis in their close relations. Everyone has the right to make mistakes and regret it, even if the constitution of the UK does not mention it. If you feel your partner is about to do something amiss, warn him or her, citing your reasons clearly and without bias. And then if the failure happens as you foresaw, let your partner has been forgiven for it, and you hope it will not recur. But do not resort to sourly starting off with ‘I told you so' and maintaining a superior, all wise standpoint. You are both adults. Mudslinging and lecturing from a pedestal are both beneath you.

How to Lose Your Spouse

But can nagging, angry outbursts, reminding one of past mistakes or never forgiving your partner's mistakes that important? The answer, in one word, is yes. The ‘small' things that make up everyday life are the greatest fabric of our being. Fill up your days with grudges, misgivings and a constant blame game, and you have laid the death bed for your marriage. We have enough serious problems in this country. We don't need a few more sad people divorced through their own folly.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com