Behaviour That Ruins A Marriage

By Author: James Walsh
Total Articles: 68
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If your reaction is expected to be more vocal in nature, then it is a behaviour pattern that would place your marriage at high risk. These responses and other such similarly destructive acts are effective marriage busters. A few of them are given below.

Spousal Selfishness

Little acts of selfishness are repeatedly played out in all the houses by either partner and they assume many forms. ‘Selfishness' is the act of caring for one's own needs, disregarding the inconvenience caused to the other. At times, if the needs are not met, one of the spouses resorts to the usage of force. These very expectations are wrong and using force to get the needs validated amounts to being manipulative and authoritative.

Usually, force is either met with total submission or stiff resistance. Either reaction is wrong. By meekly submitting to spousal authority the other silent sufferer is getting emotionally hurt. Alternate reaction of strong resistance leads to verbal duels which drive both partners apart.

The end result is that the marriage is severely affected and heads towards a divorce. The selfish ...
... spouse might feel that the demands are minor and lack in significance but the cumulative effect of these numerous little instances are strong enough to break a marriage. Selfishness destroys a marriage; another act which damages marital quality is sarcasm.

Sarcasm and Disrespectful Judgement

When a marriage fails, money problems, in-laws and other external issues are blamed. Actually, these problems can be worked over and solved if only spouses respect one another and resolve them with understanding. Respect is the basic ingredient in a successful marriage which many couples lack.

Disrespect develops by closely observing one another. By staying together in the same residence either person becomes familiar with every habit of their spouse. Some habits are found annoying, and voicing of displeasure leads to quarrels. One couple I knew divorced for the husband snored loud in his sleep. Actually, snoring was not the real issue here. The disparaging remarks of the wife over snoring, led to an equally scathing attack by the husband. Empowered by anger either partner revealed the utter dislike they had for each other's tastes and interests. Many such similar attacks later, they divorced.

The only solution to prevent such an occurrence in your life is to search for aspects in your spouse that would evoke continued respect right from the inception of marital life. If you neglect this arena, your dislike will escalate to angry outbursts that would ultimately ruin your marriage.

Angry Outbursts

Anger in a marriage is not always dangerous; at times, it is healthy and normal. Display of anger is important; it should never be left bottled up inside. However, what matters most in a relationship is the manner the anger gets expressed. Always portray anger in a calm tone and state the exact reasons that appeared enraging. Anger is one of the most primitive of emotions; still, the basic technique of anger management has remained unlearnt by many.

Anger outbursts not only destroy marriages, it destroys every other relationship one might cherish. It might affect friendships, relationship with colleagues at work, relatives, etc. However, anger directed at the spouse destroys a marriage and might lead to divorce, when the entire family gets affected. Angry outbursts are dangerous when they convert into physical violence. Never allow this to happen. Though anger is a temporary emotion, its consequences last a lifetime.

Take time to identify the root cause for the acrimony. Isolate and eliminate this cause. Generally, anger is a secondary emotion; it succeeds some other hurt, helplessness or vulnerability. Release anger on inanimate objects or indulge in some strenuous physical activity, but never get physically violent.

If you are contemplating getting married, or if you are interested in improving the quality of your married life, learn to get rid of these three marriage busters. Never be demanding in a relationship, rather replace selfishness with self-sacrifice. Secondly, if you are angered by the selfish acts of your spouse, do not try out temper tantrums or sarcasm. Learn the gift of anger management.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com