Coping With The Stress Of Divorce

By Author: James Walsh
Total Articles: 68
Comment this article

On the other hand if the male has instigated the process, the woman is left with a feeling of insecurity. She starts questioning her own abilities and stops believing in her self. After divorce, the warmth and security of a home doesn't seem to exist and the person feels betrayed and left out in the cold.

There are several ways in which divorcees can cope with the stress involved. Anybody is bound to feel extremely depressed and dejected soon after a divorce as it has shattered his or her dreams of a wonderful life. Their belief in their vows of till death do us apart is lost. The immediate reaction of most people is to shut themselves off from everybody and any kind of communication. They sit wallowing in their sorrow and self-pity, feeding their bitterness. For some people eating too much or heavy drinking might seem like a way out of this misery. Still others try to get even with their spouse for leaving them and for this reason alone they start going out with the wrong people, just to cause their spouse the same amount of pain that they went through. These habits can lead to further problems later on causing a lot ...
... of trouble and embarrassment.

Divorcees who have friends they can depend upon or confide in are much better off. It really helps if you have someone who is willing to listen to you. Just talking to someone helps reduce half the pain. People who are not so lucky can always take part in groups, where there are lots of other people going through the same or at least similar situations. Spending time effectively in useful things can take a lot off the mind. It also helps if one decides to take control of the situation instead of wasting time wondering if anything could have been done to avoid divorce. For example, if there are children, you could chart out a program, like who is to pick up the children on what days etc.

Spend some time in trying to figure out your financial situation. You could have a sensible talk with your ex, deciding who gets to keep what assets and so on. You could also talk to friends about the same and ask them for the advice. Speaking to the right people can help a lot. There are also counselors available, even online, to discuss the same with. However, channeling emotions properly will help the most. There are also lots of other fun things to do to take your mind off the divorce. It's never too late to start dating and having fun. Wait till the divorce is final; give yourself some healing time and start dating again. There are lots of online dating services available, where you can meet people with the same interests as yours, or even people in the same situation.

Go in for a makeover. It's very important to feel good about yourself and stop feeling guilty. Whatever happened is not just your fault. Learn from your mistakes, but stop dwelling on them. Take a vacation. Treat yourself - massages, spas, the works. It will make you feel special and give you confidence about yourself.

The most important aspect is to forget and forgive without which we are lost. Dealing with your feelings with the proper people will assist you if you are ever going to meet the greatest challenge to healing, namely forgiving and forgetting. You will never heal if you do not accomplish this. Instead the thread of bitterness toward your ex will contaminate your mind the rest of your life. Build new memories, find new friends or even get a new exciting hobby like bungee jumping or sailing.

What has happened has happened. Thinking about the past isn't going to change it. Be practical. Use the experience on this relationship and learn not to make the same mistake on a future relationship. Don't get into a serious relationship immediately, it might just be love on the rebound and might not last forever. The first relationship immediately after divorce is usually the one that heals the person, but that does not necessarily mean that you have to stick to it forever even after the initial attraction has worn off. Wait a few years and meet some more people before you decide on whom you want to settle down with again.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk