Divorce And Children

By Author: James Walsh
Total Articles: 68
Comment this article

Child poverty is on the rise, and homelessness among children has reached shameful proportions in the UK. The child at the street corner is not just a result of an unwanted pregnancy or an orphan, he or she may have parents struggling with the mess of their own lives who no more have time for them. Be it the chimney sweep of Blake or the sad and semi-abandoned child heroes of Dickens, there have been a place for the children of the UK in our literature at all ages. The problem is -- do they also have a similarly important place in the society?

When do Children Get Affected?

There is no divorce that does not affect children. Whether small or teenager, each child realizes when a marriage starts going wrong. This understanding depends entirely on the child's powers of grasping. Therefore, it varies with age. It has been seen that infants that are neglected register and carry a certain insecurity and trauma in their subconscious. Therefore, it is only normal that a matter as momentous as a divorce would affect them. Let us first consider when the children are affected and in what way during the ‘divorce ...
... timeline'.

A divorce has a prelude to it. Couples do not decide to part ways suddenly and honourably one day. The fire that comes before is observed by the children. Being biologically very close to their parents, they can sense, even if they cannot manifestly see that something somewhere has gone wrong. Even if you are not openly shouting and fighting, they will feel the distance between the two of you through your gestures and words, as well as an observation of your daily life style.
If you have disagreements between you, the children usually become aware of it. Out of an instinct of self-protection, they will actually try to pay attention to what you say to each other and the agendas brought up by you. It is not a matter of mere curiosity that is making them track you or eavesdrop on the conversation; they want to know how the two of you are placed since their lives depend so much on your actions.
Those who have violent face-offs are leaving permanent scars on the minds of the children. What they see will not be forgotten, and they will carry the image of this violence throughout their lives. Such children often do not get the therapy they badly need, and therapy is always not helpful either.
Parents often discuss their oncoming decisions in front their children without paying any attention to their presence. This results in terrible emotional complications in children of all age groups as they realize that momentous decisions are being taken about their lives and they are not a part of it.
While the divorce itself is going on, the children keep track of the proceedings, and usually start showing signs of depression openly around this time. Their interest in studies falls, and they have eating and sleeping disorders. They also tend to become introvert or may try to draw attention to themselves. Their relation with peer groups will either become too strong as they are searching for a surrogate family, or they will become loners among their circle of friends.
After the divorce is finalized, children need time and patience on part of the parents. They need to cope with the new mode of life they have been pushed into, and it is sad if that space is denied to them.

Age Groups

Children of various age groups tend to show different reactions.

Very young children may not fully understand what is happening, or be able to express the anguish they are feeling. Usually the scars are deepest in their minds, and the parents have to be very careful with them. It is important that they get the love, care, and attention of both parents even after the divorce.
Children in the age group of six to twelve remember incidents and words best. They are also often the most introvert. They may tend to blame themselves for the catastrophe.
Teenagers can be the most difficult to handle, and ironically, the fastest to heal. They can at least express themselves in some way.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com