Karen Hughes---and My Global Struggle Against Violent Extrem

By Author: Roger Wright
Total Articles: 12
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Karen had just herded the kids into the back seat of that elephant sized black Lexus SUV they have when I caught her on her cell.



As usual, she had the Waylon Jennings pumped up to drown out the sound of little Georgie Joe and Condi Sue screaming in the back. Waylon was singing:



She's a good hearted woman

In love with a good timing man.

She loves him in spite of

The wicked things that she don't understand



She clicked in with This is Karen and I just couldn't help myself. I had to yell.



Really let her have it.



I can't believe you did this to me! Karen, I just can't believe it! It's just. . . .you said I could have it! You said that the LINE was mine! You said it would be a throw away and that there was no way the Chief would ever use it. You said he'd just laugh and say, Nice try Soccer Mom---but that doggie ain't got no tail!



For the love of . . . Oh Karen, . . . I don't know. . . .for the love of Boy Genius himself: no one will buy the tag ...
... line global struggle against violent extremism!



You can't just re-brand the whole war and expect people will swallow that! Think of Classic Coke Karen! Think of Euro Disney . . .Karen think of THE EDSEL!



And Karen, you promised ME the line. You said I could I could have it! Now every first year MBA student is gonna be blogging and whining and buzzing on their cell phones that we're off message, saying things like ‘Hey, Bushie Crew---where's the beef?'---We got nothing now Karen. And worse yet: I got no way to come up with a power point deck to describe what it is I been DOING out here acting like I was looking for a job.



Karen, this just might even blow my cover! What if people find out that this whole time---I've been embedded in the ranks of the middle class un-employed, gathering the TRUTH about unemployment. Fighting the terrorists by being unemployed. Standing up for freedom by being unemployed.



Roger, it sounds like---Georgie Joe! You get your hands off of your sister's neck right now! Don't you see how she starts turning blue when you choke her like that!---oh sorry. What were we talking about Roger?



We were talking about how I needed the global struggle tag line! How I needed a tag line for my mission. Didn't matter which one. But I had to have a tag line. Karen: this could all land on HIS desk! And you KNOW how he hates it when stuff is on his desk!



Ok—let me think a minute.



That's the thing about Karen. She can think in the middle of a hurricane. I've seen it a million times. We'd all be in meetings. Rummy off in the corner asking himself questions and then supplying the answers. That little guy who always walks a few steps behind him writing it all down. Rummy would be mumbling things like, What is a war? It's a struggle. And isn't life a struggle? So aren't we ALL struggling?



Cheney in that surgical mask he wears to the really top secret meetings. Leaning over that scary stainless steel sink of his with the scalpel and the dead cats. That whisper voice he uses when he's really concentrating. Hissing, I'll find the stem cells. I'll do the research. I am the DOCTOR. The chief on the phone to a baseball player or his Mom. Condi thumbing through a leather catalog, Karl pacing up and down in the front of the room, clapping his hands and saying, People! I need your attention here people! We are protecting freedom here people!



And there is Karen at the middle of it all. Humming along to the rhythm of her fingers on the keys of that laptop. Humming a show tune. Karen adores Steven Sondheim. She LOVES send in the clowns:



Isn't it rich?

Isn't it queer

Loosing my timing,

This late in my career?



And then like she's some sort of sorcerer or something, Karen stops typing and blurts out a tag line of pure genius. I think it might have been Karen who came up with, Winston tastes good, like a cigarette should. Sure, I know she doesn't look that old.



But Karen has been around . . . . Well, let's just say that she has always been with us.



She turns down the Waylon Jennings in her mini-van. Says, Ok. Hang on Roger. Karl's on the video feed monitor here in my van. Let me punch him up and see what he's got. Maybe he can help us with this.



Karen my dear? I hear the sound of Karl's voice.



Karl, let me switch on the cone of silence. My kids are in the back and I have Roger on the other line.



Ah Roger. But of course. Unemployment. How it too can protect freedom! Just got the Intel that we won't be seeing you in the ranks of the unemployed much longer old man? We'll talk later about how you plan on helping our true friends by NOT being unemployed.. And I think I might have a new assignment for you. Library Visits from Your Neighborhood Special Agent? That Means Freedom. Karen, we'll need you for the spin there. Don't quite have all the bugs out . . . . .



Karl, Karen cut in, Roger has some concerns about Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism. He wanted the line. A bit of a snafu. He thought no would buy it so he could use it for the Unemployment Means Freedom campaign.



Acchh---so many campaigns, so little time! Karl laughed in that way he has, Well, I have news for you both. Early numbers tell us that we have a fish on the line my friends. 23% tested positive that global struggle actually had a MEANING! I told the Chief.



What did he say? Karen asked



He said he had brush to clear, and some doggies had strayed from the herd,

Oh that's right. We're in Crawford this month.



So, Roger, I'm sorry but that tag line has been taken. We're going with it. And I think we'll shut off Unemployment Means Freedom. Even with Karen driving our message: I was never sure how we'd shape that one as a way to help our friends. And the Library Visits? Well, that is coming as soon as we take care of the whole Supreme Court project. Maybe we can use you for that Roger.



Hang on you two, I've got Novak on the other line. . . .



Karen, I said, if I get a new assignment, can you help with the spin? I mean if we're really going to go monitor the libraries now, we'll need to. . . .



But just then I heard the click and the line went dead. Lost the cell connection.



And again ---I was alone.

About the Author Roger Wright can be found on the blog CHURCH FOOD CHICAGO.