Should I Always Be Positive?

By Author: Mark Eyre
Total Articles: 8
Comment this article

There is much written about the importance of being positive. The theory is that if you see life through an optimistic lens, not only are events more likely to work out for the best, but you will feel better emotionally. The 'tumbler half full' approach does serve people well. By way of contrast, it is fairly clear that observing life through a negative lens can cause depression, and can certainly reinforce one. The theory behind cognitive behavioural therapy is that changing the way you think can enhance your life significantly.

So positive thinking is the way forward then. But is it always good? Should we always be unconditionally positive? In this article, I argue that always seeing events through a positive lens is not good for you. Remaining continually positive carries consequences for your wellbeing, relationships and life. Let's explore this in greater depth.

1. Your health

There are a number of studies that have been done into the relationship between your attitude to life, and your wellbeing. Generally speaking, people were placed into categories, defined with reference to how they saw ...
... life and the opportunities and challenges encountered during it. The results are rather interesting.

We would generally expect negative people to suffer the biggest health issues, and this is indeed the case. Of course, they might argue that they might not be as negative if they were more healthy! But generally speaking, negative people are less healthy than more upbeat types.

So far so good then. But here's the sting.....Another category who seem to endure poorer than average health are those who always see and talk about life in positive terms. What's that all about? Here's my take on why. The people in the always positive category would be what I call 'false positives'. They are this because they have a deep held belief in not saying negative things - about self, others or anything. They won't allow themselves the luxury of a bad day, avoid confronting issues, and let their feelings into the open. What doesn't come out gets buried, buried deep inside us - over time, this repression creates 'health time bombs' that if left for long enough, go off in our bodies.

I write from some experience, having endured a couple of health scares myself. Getting frustrations off our chest is a good thing to do for our health. From my own experience, I've seen too many 'nice' people die early - of cancer and similar. So bottling things up and not recognising a bad situation does not serve us well. Being unconditionally and scathingly negative doesn't serve us well either. So what does?

The healthiest category is what I'd describe as the generally positive, those who generally see life via a positive lens. But when events aren't progressing well, they let it go, and let others know. Hopefully they do this without alienating others, but that's another article! In other words, they emphasise the positive, but don't suppress the negative.

2. Your relationships

False positives are generally not the best people to be with. Not only can they land as inauthentic or false, but they can raise the stress levels of people they come into contact with. Here's an example to illustrate why.

I once had a manager who was unconditionally positive, and he was generally a nice guy. But he walked away from confrontation as a way of life. One day, he walked into the office just as two professional employees were calming down from a confrontation that had got personal. I had become involved, and to say there was an atmosphere would be a huge understatement! Anyway, at this point, aforesaid manager walked in, surveyed the scene, smiled and let out the immortal words - "isn't it great to see so much potential in this room!". So much for a positive outlook helping the position. Most of us could have cheerfully strangled him, and his involvement resulted in the tension levels rising further, but being suppressed. False positivity raises the stress in other people sometimes.

3. Your life

Being 'falsely positive' is not good for your life. Why do I emphasise this? Let's open with a quote Steve Nobel said a number of years ago - "We can grow through inspiration, or from desperation". This quote has stayed with me down the years. However, an analysis of why people change highlights that, for most people, the desperation element has a stronger driving force in change. That's why change most often takes place in response to a crisis - be it a change of vocation, ending of a relationship, or a company undertaking emergency measures to survive. Vision and inspiration alone are insufficient. Even visionary people, like Nelson Mandela for example, started from a position of desperation.

Ask yourself the question, what prompted your last significant life change? Most people will reply in a way that includes a degree of crisis, or even worse.

Given this fact, I hardly need to say that viewing everything in 'great' terms is a surefire way of never implementing the changes you need to make. Instead of verbalising the pain and disappointment, you internalise it, and pay with poor health later on. To a degree then, we should call a spade a spade. If something in our life is 'not good', we should call it that way.

Being 'generally positive'

To conclude, being consistently cynical and negative is not a good idea. But the 'false positive' is not much better - either for the person themselves or for anyone else. The most fruitful approach is the 'generally positive' approach to living. View the glass as half full most of the time, and yes, look for the silver lining in setbacks - learning is valuable, and you will feel better anyway. But don't pigeon-hole everything as 'fantastic' or 'good' when it isn't. Life is a battle sometimes - the questions are 'where is it a struggle' and 'what do you do about it'. The healthy and authentic response is to accept when things aren't good, but not to over-emphasise it, or ruminate on it. Deal with the issue, move on, learn the lessons, and view the future through a more optimistic glass.
A published author and personal development consultant, Mark has 25 years experience of helping people improve their performance in work and life. His focus is on careers, improving resilience and developing great relationships. http://www.brilliantfutures.net/