5 Reasons Why You Should Post A Free Classified Ad

By Author: Stupidman
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5 Reasons Why You Should Post A Free Classified Ad
By Stupidman

I don't think it takes anybody very long to find out there
is an inner circle within the internet. The inner circle
is like an exclusive club, the members refer to each other
as internet gurus. Nobody ever says, "I am an internet
guru." But they always point at each other and say, "He
is an internet guru." (I've not noticed any female gurus
or guras for that matter. But then I have not been doing
this for very long.) I've tried to join but I have not
been able to find their organization. I've searched
through Google but maybe I'm not using the right keywords,
though as often as they say it the organization should be
ranked # 1 using guru as the keyword.

To remain a "guru in good standing" you must be kind,
generous and willing to share one or more internet secrets
with the general public. It's okay to collect a fee for
sharing the secret, after all, think about how much money
they're giving up when they let everybody in on the secret.

Even when I ...
... have paid for a secret I don't always
understand it. That is one of the reasons I am Stupidman.
I've tried to become a guru. I even ran an ad, "I have a
secret, pay me!" Nobody did.

But because I really want to be an internet guru I've
developed a plan. I am going to tell you a secret for
free. Then, you will say, "Stupidman is a guru trainee."
Then, the next time I run an ad, "I have a secret,
pay me!!", you will.

You're reading this because of the catchy title, 5 Reasons
Why You Should Post A Free Classified Ad. To get the ball
rolling I'm going to share a "bonus" secret. THE CONTENT
OF THE AD DOES NOT MATTER. What? Why? Second "bonus"
secret: NOBODY READS THEM. You can post, "Spam Me" or "I
have a virus that I want to infect you with" or "I am a
serial killer, let's get acquainted". Content does not
matter. You will get responses that completely ignore your
content.

Reason # 1: Eliminate Loneliness

If you are sad or melancholy the responses you get will
cheer you up. Imagine dozens or even hundreds of happy,
enthusiastic people contacting you to share their "secrets"
and invite you, a complete stranger, to join them on the
road to happiness and great wealth.

Your new friends will embrace and urge you to join
organizations already loaded (yet still rapidly growing)
with more happy, successful people or they might even
(because they really like you) invite you to join a
"ground floor opportunity". This will allow you to share
your good fortune with your friends, family and, if
you are a true believer, lonely, complete strangers as you
once were.

The method by which your new friends initially contacted
you (which will also be one of the methods they will
suggest you use when you contact complete strangers) is
called UNSOLICITED BULK EMAIL. This is not SPAM. Spam is
something else. Your new friends will explain this to you
at the bottom of every letter they send you. They will
carefully explain that Senate Bill 1618 and/or House Bill
3113 say that if you have an unsubscribe link (working or
not) then it is not Spam. Do not be troubled by the fact
that neither bill was signed into law. (This relies upon
the long established legal position that if anybody in
Congress intended it to be law then it must be ok.)

If you decide to check the unsubscribe link to see if it is
working and discover it isn't do not lose faith in your new
friends. I GUARANTEE the other links function properly.

Reason # 2: Read Email With Lots of Zeros and Exclamatory
Punctuation

This is one of the best parts. Reading all of the
highlighted, italicized, underscored zeros. 000's for part
time, 0000's for full time (monthly or weekly, doesn't
matter). Talk about exclamation points! Just about every
sentence will have one, sometimes three or four together.
Who wouldn't be excited. Doesn't it make your heart race
just thinking about it?

To add to the excitement, many of the opportunities will
have hard and fast deadlines. "We can only take 4 more
success oriented people in this program." "Offer expires
in twenty minutes." "Bonuses if you enroll by midnight
tonight.

Clearly you must respond quickly or the opportunity will be
lost forever.

You must be especially alert for the "gifting" program.
This is a wonderful opportunity where you can profit to the
tune of tens of thousands of dollars within a couple of
weeks. Merely send some money electronically to the person
at the top of the list, write your name at the bottom and
send the whole thing to people you want to become rich. If
you are an extremely kind person you can use the UNSOLICITED
BULK EMAIL technique and make everybody in the world rich.

The explanatory material in the "gifting" program will put
your mind at ease. It's not a chain letter because it's not
a letter, it's email. It's not postal fraud because it does
not go through the U.S. Mail. It's not taxable or tax fraud
because each gift is less than $10,000 and it's not a Ponzi
scheme because Mr. Ponzi died a long time ago.

The generosity extended to you by your new friends should
be
reciprocated by you. Before you begin responding to the
many offers you should add a signature file to your email
client. If you go to http://stupidman.ProAutoResponder.com
you can sign up and/or become an affiliate of a very
professional, multi featured autoresponder with a three tier
affiliate program. Your new friends will be very impressed
and by adding your affiliate URL and something like "Get
Rich With 3 Tier Affiliate Program" as part of your
signature you will be sharing something of great value with
them and if even just one of these masters of unsolicited
bulk email takes your advice you could have an exciting
residual income as a result of the third tier.

Reason # 3: Eliminate Excess Leisure Time

It's a burden to have nothing to do. It's hard to get up
in the morning, the day passes slowly, the mind becomes
dull. But no more!!! Jump out of bed, check the email,
read dozens of letters.

Your satisfaction will only be enhanced if you remember to
leave "Cookies On" and "Javascript Enabled". This will make
it much easier for your new friends to find you and to
introduce you to some of their other friends.

Your life will have purpose. No more moping around the
house
waiting for the phone to ring, because "You've got mail".
If you don't have a second line,cable or DSL your callers
can't reach you. All of a sudden you've become
unattainable,
which enhances your desirability in many ways. When they
finally get through you become the person who terminates
the call as you must attend to the new friends you've
met on the 'net.

Your earth bound friends will realize you have become
cool. They will fawn for your favor. They'll buy you
lunch, invite you to parties. You will be the center of
attention.

What better circumstance could you have to enlighten these
friends to the wonderful opportunities you are
experiencing. They will beg you to include them in your
cyberworld. This will be your opportunity to rise above the
accumulated resentment you harbor for all of the slights,
slurs and snickering you've endured over the years. Be
kind, show them the way.

Reason # 4: It's a Great Way to Lose Weight

Your are so busy, you have no time to eat. So many
emails to answer. So many proposals to analyze and the
best deals expire at midnight tonight.

Now it's time to automate. Posting classified ads
manually takes time, time that could be spent enrolling in
new programs. Hire a submission service to submit more ads
(that won't be read) to more people (who won't read them)
in order to receive more non spam that you can respond to
with your 3 tier affiliate autoresponder
( http://stupidman.ProAutoResponder.com ).

You are GUARANTEED to lose weight especially if you are in
the habit of weighing yourself with your wallet in your
back pocket.

Did I say 5 reasons? Well, I'm only going to tell you
about 4. I still have many secrets to share besides the
5TH Reason. If you sign up for my someday newsletter at
www.stupidmanok.com you will be the first to hear them.

Funny Pictures And
The Wisdom Of Stupidman
www.stupidmanok.com


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Copyright 2002, Skidthrough Enterprise


About the Author Internet Guru Trainee. Member of Internet Humor Columnists (Net Wits). Stupidman shares the previously unknown benefits of Free Classified Ads.