10 Steps To Take To Get Over A Break-up

By Author: Bellaisa Filippis
Total Articles: 16
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After a breakup, when a relationship is ended by another person, it can feel like your world stops turning. It can seem as if there'll never be another person as suitable as the last partner, and every waking moment is spent in all-consuming sadness. Some people find the effects so devastating that they retreat into almost total isolation, finding it difficult to eat, sleep and function normally. It can start to feel like they will never get over their breakup.

The thing is almost every person knows the feeling of rejection when told 'it's over;' there are very few people who could honestly say they've never had this happen to them. Yet not everyone responds in a isolated or self-destructive manner.

So, what positive steps can you take to get over your break-up and fix your breaking heart?

Allow a Brief Period of Solitude

While it's healthy to stay single for a while after a relationship has ended, it's not so healthy to stay in prolonged isolation. By all means allow yourself a couple of days of introspection at home, staying in bed and pulling the duvet over your head, but don't allow it to carry ...
... on for an extremely long time.

A short period of reflection and grief about the relationship is normal but hiding away until the pain subsides is not healthy; the problem with this approach is that the pain won't subside while you're sitting on your own.

Look Outwards

It's far more beneficial to engage in external activities. It really doesn't matter what these activities are; anything at all that helps to fill the empty moments in those first few weeks will work, even if it doesn't feel remotely appealing. It's just about getting through each day in a positive manner, filling in the gaps and not sitting at home in mournful retrospection.

Escaping the environment and routine you used to share with your partner is also a positive step.

Invite People In

While this may well feel like the time when you're at your least sociable, inviting people into your home and your world will aid recovery.

You need to be reminded there's enjoyment to be had outside of the couple scenario you're accustomed to; seeing friends laughing in your home will remove some of the negative feelings associated with being 'home alone.'

It may help to invite a friend or relative to stay for a while; don't be afraid to explain that this will help you get through a rough patch. Most people like to feel useful and valued, and they'll usually be flattered you've chosen their company. If they cannot come and stay, don't be downhearted or offended but just think of somebody else who may appreciate the gesture. Looking after a guest will help take your mind off yourself.

Accept Guidance

If friends or family tell you that you're failing to look after yourself, don't be irritated or shrug off their observations. They are probably quite correct and they're only concerned for you.

If you're offered company or practical support, accept it even if you don't feel it's needed; we can't see ourselves in the same way as others do, and if people are saying you need emotional or practical help, they're seeing something you cannot observe in yourself. In any case just saying 'okay, fine' to their suggestion -- whatever it is -- has got to be easier than another evening wallowing in self-pity.

Keep a Journal

Using a journal to diary what you've achieved every day will help keep you on track at those times when every chore feels difficult. Set yourself written daily targets, even if they're small ones, and tick them off when they're completed. Similarly, if you're finding it hard to get by without contacting your ex-partner make a note of every day when you achieved your goal of not picking up the phone or sending messages.

You'll soon notice that as the days go by, it becomes easier. Writing things down solidifies achievements and makes you more aware of mistakes.

Care for Yourself

Looking after yourself is vital even if you have no energy or inclination to do it. Make sure you take a bath or shower every day, wash your hair, wear clean clothes, and eat at least something. You don't want to allow yourself to sink into self-neglect; it will only make you feel worse. Remember to take in plenty of healthy fluids, and get enough sleep.

Look Back

When you're thinking there cannot possibly be another person better suited to you, think back to the time before you met your last partner. You never imagined you'd meet them, but you did! The same can happen again, and will happen if you get back on your emotional feet and start to present a positive and healthy image. Even if you've been with your partner a long time there will be other people of similar age, in exactly the same position; who probably also don't believe they'll meet someone new.

Avoid 'False Friends'

Avoid over-reliance on 'false friends' in the form of alcohol or drugs -- whether prescription or over-the-counter -- to get you through. They may well numb the immediate effects but relief will be short-lived and there's a significant risk you'll become addicted or unable to function in other respects.

Unfortunately, reaching for alcohol is one of the first things many people do when a relationship fails, but it's a mode of 'self help' least likely to win favor among friends and family; nobody likes to see someone making a bad situation even worse.

Talk it Through

You'll probably want to discuss what's happened with someone close to you. This is natural behavior but do it once only with each close friend and then force yourself to move on, as difficult as that may be. Many people become stuck in a cycle of reminiscing over lost relationships to a point where friends and relatives can no longer bear to hear about it.

The fact is that the relationship has gone; talking about it for months -- especially going back over old ground -- will not alleviate the pain of loss. The sooner you break the cycle of talking about your ex-partner, the sooner you'll be ready to love again.

Facilitate Meetings

Attending social events is important because this is where you'll have the chance to encounter potential new partners eventually. Even if it's way too early for you to start looking for a new partner, it will help you to develop a positive mental attitude if you can get to see there are other single people around.

If you don't have an easy mechanism for mixing socially with new people, you may need to consider online dating sites. These days there's no social stigma attached to using online dating; everybody's doing it, and in fact it's the most popular way of trying to meet a partner.

If you're not ready for dating yet, just be honest and say so in your online dating profile; you're bound to attract some people in the same boat as yourself who are quite happy just to chat and share stories.

Breaking up is hard - it's true; but once you start taking steps towards recovery you will find the pain will become less debilitating and life will become brighter. To read more about pre-breakup, during breakup, and after breakup click here.