Insecure-ambivalent Attachment Therapy Service | Your Story Counselling

By Author: judy
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Insecure-ambivalent attachment is characterized by children who experience strong negative emotions toward their caregivers (e.g., anger or anxiety), but at the same time desire closeness and intimacy from them (e.g., “I hate you! Go back!”). These children tend to be indifferent, but also repel caregivers by reacting with anger or ambivalence. They may find that they greatly desire closeness and intimacy, but push away every time it is offered.

What insecure-ambivalent attachment looks like in adulthood: People with this attachment style tend to have a hard time trusting others. They often feel insecure in relationships and can be very sensitive to rejection. In adulthood, an insecure-ambivalent attachment style means you may fear commitment because it creates feelings of abandonment. You may also find it difficult to trust others because you fear they will abandon you like your parents did when you were young. People with this attachment style tend to want more affection than they are willing to give in return. They may try too hard to please others and put their own needs aside to keep the peace.

How can ...
... therapy help? For insecure-ambivalent attached individuals, therapy can be a space for better sorting out the intensity of the emotions felt. Understanding the inner need to be loved and accepted while experiencing almost automatic reactions of pushing others away can be deeply frustrating. You and your therapist will work to better understand the push-pull cycle and how it has affected your relationships with others, and you would begin to look for and try different ways to work closer to developing secure attachment with others. Sometimes just a safe space for therapy itself can be a special new encounter, a 'dress rehearsal' of what a safe and secure attachment might look like and find ways to apply it in the real world.

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